#Give828 is a national day of giving focused specifically on supporting Black-led and Black-benefitting organizations.
Beauty For Ashes Ministry, Inc. is excited to join this national day of giving. Your support on 8/28 helps us further our mission of supporting survivors and putting an end to domestic violence.
MISSION
We provide nationwide advocacy, education, and support to victims, survivors, the faith community, organizations, and businesses invested in expanding their knowledge of the dynamics of intimate partner violence.
VISION
To eradicate domestic violence and create a world where all women are safe and respected.
HISTORY
In 2003, Rev. Marguerite Lee wanted to provide help and resources for women affected by domestic violence. Being a survivor herself, Rev. Lee wanted to use her experiences and her platform and influence as a clergy member to help the women, their families, and the faith community expand their knowledge of intimate partner violence dynamics. Beauty for Ashes Ministry started as a domestic violence program at her local church. Led by a passion for hurting people and the unction of the Holy Spirit, Beauty for Ashes Ministry became incorporated by the state in 2006. By 2007, Beauty for Ashes Ministry, Inc. attained its non-profit status.
MEET the BOARD
A team commited to eradicating domestic violence
Rev. Marguerite Lee
President/Founder
Tonya Frye
Treasurer
Danielle Nicholson
Secretary
Pamela Pate-Franklin
Board Member
Min. Debora Blakney
Board Member
Pastor Ekemini Ibanga
Board Member
Joan Dunn
Board Member
Annette Porter-Wilkins
Board Member
Tiffany Byrd
Advisor
Tony Porter
Advisor
Judge Keith Smith
Advisor
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The Purple Corner
August 2025
August 2025
This month, we're resharing a 2016 post from our founder, Rev. Marguerite Lee.
"Not Until... "
I cannot count the number of times I have heard people ask, "Why doesn't she just leave?" This question is asked in the context of an abusive relationship by women as well as men, both of which are well meaning. But what are you really saying when you ask this and what is the impact on the woman whose mind is already full of her questions? Are you asking why she puts up with the abuse? Are you asking if she likes how she's being treated? In the question, are you implying that she knows better, or inferring that she is better than how she's being treated?
Whatever your intent is in asking this question let us think about the impact this kind of question has on a woman who is already beat down by the things she's heard from her abuser. She's been told that nobody loves or wants her so she should just resign herself to where she is. The abuser has fed her the notion that she cannot do any better and wants her to feel she's stuck and has nowhere to go. Have you considered the fact that your question puts the blame on her instead of on the one who is really responsible for the situation?
Who's asking the real question? Why does he abuse her? Why doesn't he stop? Is she the one who is doing wrong? Or is it the person who is doing the abusing? To ask why she stays is placing the blame on the victim. She doesn't ask to be treated like a punching bag. By punching bag I am not just speaking of physical abuse. Words misspoken are just as damaging as a physical blow to the body.
Women stay in abusive relationships for many reasons. But "because she likes it" is NOT one. A battered woman may believe:
• She can love him enough to make him change.
• He really means it when he says he's sorry and it will not happen again.
• She is responsible for keeping the family together.
• Her abuser when he says it's her fault.
It's not that she wants the relationship to end she just wants the abuse to end. Love, children and fear play a role in her decision to stay or to leave. Her love for him, her love for her children and the fear of what will happen if she leaves are all factors she considers. Not until the fear of the known (what is happening)overrides the fear of the unknown (what's out there) she wrestles with her decision. Some of the same things that keep her in the abusive relationship are oftentimes the same things that make her leave. Instead of asking why she stays why not ask what can I do to help?
BFAM © 2025
